If you are an alcoholic or addict, being spiritually unfit can be fatal. If
not literally fatal then, as in my case, a living death — one definition of Hell
is being alive and active in this world, feeling separated from God. And I spent
years there. But today I live — and have for some time now — free, awake, fully
alive, vital.
My earlier What Works column
on
alcoholism and addiction focused on self-diagnosis, and I could easily
explain my own alcoholism by pointing to genetics and circumstances; but the
root cause is spiritual — that God-shaped hole, that feeling of brokenness and
alienation I was trying to assuage. I’ve met other alcoholics who had no obvious
“causes” but I think we all share a spiritual longing.
Carl Jung wrote, to Alcoholics Anonymous cofounder Bill Wilson, that “craving
for alcohol” is “the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our
being for wholeness,” famously concluding the letter “spiritus contra spiritum”
— the Spirit against alcohol.
As I said about
not
getting enough sleep, when you don’t feel connected to God, it’s easy to
slip into irritability. A more accurate word is probably “sullenness.” And, if
you’ll forgive a moment of word-nerdiness, “sullen” comes from the same root as
“solo” and originally meant “alone.” How fitting, because that’s really what’s
going on — you feel alone in the universe.
Recovery is not self-help
Let me be as clear as possible here:
Recovery from alcoholism and drug
addiction is not about self-help. The solution is
not to gain
knowledge and strength and willpower so you can beat it. As I’ve said
before,
it’s not even to admit you have a problem. Recovery is about recognizing that,
alone, you are powerless to solve the problem. To receive the grace you need to
recover, you must admit you need help from something greater than yourself.
So, to stay sober you stay connected to God and other people. As much as
possible, that is. Because we all slip back into disconnectedness and the
illusion of control. Addiction is a stark example of self-will, but all people
struggle with self-will and attachment, with expectations and resentments.
That’s why addiction is often used as a metaphor for the struggle of life.
Many people lead lives of quiet desperation, trying to fill the God-shaped
hole and cover the pain with shopping, eating, and a million distractions. But
addicts and alcoholics are physically predisposed to escape or numb themselves
in ways that go directly into a downward spiral of self-destruction. My last few
years before sobriety, life was little more than an isolated routine of coming
to, muddling around in the apartment, watching TV, and mixing alcohol, Vicodin
and Ambien to make things fuzzy until I passed out. Talk about sleepwalking
through life.
Let go and let God
Jesus said: “You shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first
commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38) He was quoting Hebrew Scripture, Deuteronomy
6:5. In even simpler terms, “Trust God.”
But, of course, we resist depending on God, don’t we? The serpent said to
Eve: “your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God”. (Genesis 3:5) Pride.
We try, again and again, to play God; we try to manage the world, our own
destiny, other people. The thing is, once you dedicate yourself to figuring out
life without God, you find yourself smack dab in self-centered fear. Suddenly,
managing the universe is
your problem, and you know you’re not up to
the task. My biggest trigger used to be trying to control what everyone thought
of me. (I can still go there sometimes.)
Notice whenever life feels unmanageable. You’ll probably find it’s when you
think you have to solve something on your own. How often we cause suffering by
not accepting the way things are.
Spiritual tools
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today,” is the opening line of
one of the most popular passages in recovery literature. What a challenge! To
simply accept that things are the way they are. Could they be changed? Perhaps.
Improved? It’s possible. But right in this moment, things are the way they are.
To find acceptance of this is tremendous freedom and tremendous relief. This is
why I am such a strong advocate of
meditation.
Meditation created the opening that began my journey toward greater
authenticity. It continues to be a guide along the way, daily practice in
detachment and acceptance.
The therapeutic and medical communities dissect the psychological and
physiological aspects of addiction but often neglect or even deny the spiritual
component. Self-help gurus say you can beat this addiction or that by learning
their secrets. But the most helpful resource on the spiritual dimension of
recovery remains A.A.’s foundational book,
Alcoholics Anonymous (usually called the Big Book.)
When it was written in the 1930s, A.A. was more single-minded in its view that
recovery was a spiritual project. That approach is outlined in the book and
still practiced by many in A.A.
Caveat addictus
